A playful approach to insecurity in the parent-child relationship:

Many parents have a deep desire to be different then their parents. To give their child something they never received.

This desire often results in this unrealistic and somewhat 'perfect' parent-child relationship vision and they experience guilt and shame when this does not play out in reality...

Many parents have not/do not have a 'secure attachment' with their own parents. In fact, if we all reflected upon the 'emotional security' we feel in the presence of our parents (now and in childhood), many adults feel pressure to perform for their parents or withhold their true thoughts, feelings and desires. Many adults still feel emotionally responsible for their parents and are continuously 'on edge' around them, trying to please them and make them proud. 

Most of the generic information on Attachment Theories focuses on attachment types, how to assess attachment and fostering a secure attachment. What is missing from this approach, is a holistic lens that shifts away from assessing parents with attachment labels, towards supporting parents to reflect and identify insecurity within the parent-child relationship and moving towards security for both the parent and child. 

As professionals, we need to focus on supporting parents through the journey towards security in the parent-child relationship, a relationship that only their child and themselves know how it truly feels and is constantly changing. For example, a parent could feel securely attached to their child, and then they become a teen and feel very disconnected from that parent. On the flip side, a parent could feel disconnected from their child in a certain period of their life, and then move towards more connection and security in another phase of their life.

Attachment is not stagnant. Attachment is influenced by environmental factors, intergenerational trauma, child temperaments, mental health among many other factors. If we as professionals can move beyond only assessing whether the parent and child has a insecure or secure attachment, we can start to see that security and insecurity is an inevitable part of the parent-child relationship and support parents with the ability to identify what insecurity and security looks like, and work towards re-establishing security.

In this online course, I use my Play Prescription® framework to cover the following topics:

• Parent’s childhood experiences and influence on parenting
• Realistic expectations of security in the parent-child relationship
• Parents connection to self and meeting their own needs
• The rupture/repair cycle 
• Attachment triggers and their antidotes
• Quality vs quantity of parent-child relationship
• Play Therapy skills for increasing security